Ask Me All the Questions...Listen to the Answers

Grocery stores are like an extra workout for moms with young kids, am I right? The list is always longer than you wish it was, there are never enough snacks to go around, and at any moment your three year old might start shouting about the "bad guy" shopping next to your cart (no? just mine?).

Add on the fact that your children are a different race than you are & you start getting really good at what I call "fielding the reporters." People are sweet, people have good intentions, people are also clueless & ask SO MANY questions.

Where is he from?

Is your husband black?

How did he end up with hair like that?
Are you guys related?

Have you ever cut his hair?

Is this your son?

Where did you adopt from?

Are you his mom?

Is his hair difficult to manage?

Are they yours?

You know, casual grocery chat. :-)

I've gotten really good at giving what I'll call a "canned answer" and sometimes I've even allowed myself to lie. "Yes, my husband IS black, (now please keep ringing up my groceries before my toddler implodes because he wants to ride the horsey) mmmk thanks." However at a recent training my husband and I attended that was specifically for transracial families (families with people of multiple races) I realized that I have to do better. Better than rehearsed responses with an annoyed look, better than lying. Shocking, I know. The thing is, my kids are getting older (again, shocking for me) and they will be increasingly aware of the people around us & all the questions that come with them. So, what does this mean? It means I get to model for my kiddos what it looks like to share the gospel ALL THE TIME. How cool is that? Yeah, I think so too. I get to show them what it looks like to offer grace to strangers (remember, Jesus died for every single person on this earth, whether they accept him or not). And I get to help them learn how to tell their stories (though I will never force them to do so). So, thank-you grocery store reporters. You've made me a much more confident toddler mama and provided me with great training for the future.

Now, let me back up and make something really clear: I love questions. I really do. I love when people ask us about our adoption story, or why we decided to start fostering (more on this another time). I LOVE IT! Nothing brings me more joy than sharing about the straight up miracles God has performed in our family. I get to tell them how much Jesus loves them and relentlessly pursues not just our children, but all of us. And of course many of those asking are close friends, part of our church community or people we've known for years. This is much different than my weekly grocery chats. At some point over the last couple of years since Grahamy-bear came to us, I started realizing that many of my answers to questions made people feel uncomfortable. I could tell as they asked me questions about the future and my kids that it made them squirm when I expressed my most common answer to these types of questions: "I don't know."

I don't know how many kids we'll adopt, how we'll adopt them or when. 

I don't know how we will handle the variety of racial issues that are sure to raise their ugly head at some point in time. 

I don't know exactly what I'll tell Graham when he asks about his biological father, or why T knows his siblings and he doesn't. 

I don't know what health issues may lay ahead for either of our boys. 

I don't know if moving to Zionsville's school district will help them or hurt them. 

I don't know if something will go wrong in the next several months to throw a wrench in our adoption of T. 

I don't know. 

This freaks people out. You can see it in their faces, hear it in their voices & watch it in their body language. Often times these questions are coming from people interested in adopting or getting involved in the (raging) battle for vulnerable children. They are searching for something to hold onto. An answer that will give them the comfort and security they're looking for. 

I can't give you that, exactly. 

But I do make just one request of you. Ask me all your questions, put them all out there...but please, stop & listen to my answers. 

I do know that fighting for these kids is worth it. 

I do know that if God is for you, no one can come against you. 

I do know that His light outshines ALL the darkness. 

I do know that the children need you. 

I do know that Jesus will walk with you and never leave you. 

I do know that He will give you every single thing you need to fight the fight: time, people, money. 

I do know that there are never enough warriors out there. 

I do know that these children need the church, and there's not enough of the church out there. 

I do know that adoption and fostering will change you, and you'll be forever grateful it did. 

I do know that it is better to live in the unknown, than to not fight the battle for the kingdom at all. 

People of the church, when I answer your questions, I cannot help but express these things that I do know! I am not suggesting that every single Christian out there is called to foster or adopt. I am suggesting that more of you are. I am suggesting that it is NOT okay that at our agency the most common foster parent is a single, older woman (even though these women are AMAZING rock stars). That is not okay. Where are the church families? Jesus called us to love him with all our hearts, love our neighbors & make disciples. This is HARD work. It takes sacrifice, blood, sweat & tears. So many tears. And it takes the whole church working together at it. 

So, I'm asking you to just listen. Listen to the Holy Spirit in you. Ask the hard questions, and take time to hear the answers. Walk toward the uncomfortable & the messy, not away from it. Think more about the people in your community that need you, and less about your vacation plans. Please know that I am standing with you in this. It is a daily choice to focus on my kids instead of my online shopping and decorating our new house. Seriously. I am with you and speaking this word God's put on my heart to my own soul as well. 

He is the only thing that truly brings peace and satisfaction. Know that & live that way.

Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

John 6:35

I love you. He loves you. 

Thank you for asking all the questions, 

Hannah

Ready to feel a little uncomfortable? Check out these links:

• Learn more about becoming a foster parent
• Amazing foster adoption story, like reading a story out the the Bible 
• Volunteer with Safe Families: a church based organization committed to helping keep children out of the system
• Meet Indiana's waiting children (yes, children waiting and available for adoption, there are 147)
• Check out some sermons from our church that really hit on this topic

'