This Could Be the Song That Will Change Your Heart

What is it people are always saying...good things come to those who wait? I would have to consider this post a very, very good thing. I hope you find some truth, comfort, and/or perspective in my husband's words. He is always teaching me new things and I am so proud of him for being willing to share his heart with you all. He stepped far out of his comfort zone to put this together, and further proved my theory that anytime you step outside your comfort zone, wonderful things happen.

Thank-you for waiting & as always, thank-you for reading!

Love, Hannah

P.S.

It only seemed fair to add this little gem in...since Trav is writing on the blog now, why not also share a photo from 2007, of him dancing in a foreign country? (insert evil yet loving laughter here) :-)

Hannah asked me to prepare something for the blog back when she first started it in February. She even gave me the subject for the post, to share my personal journey through our decision to adopt, and gave me a deadline of May. But per usual, being the true procrastinator that I am, I dragged my feet and never started working on it. The “non-threatening” stares and reminders from Hannah over the last few weeks of April didn’t seem to prod me along any faster either. With only a few weeks till my “deadline," I still had no idea what to write.  Then on a late afternoon I was listening to an old album of a band I liked from college and heard a song that resonated with me. This seems fitting as music has always played a pivotal part in my life.

The song talks about a promise and a dream. Not a dream or promise for who I want to be, but who God intends for me to be. A dream beyond anything that I can imagine for myself. The kind of dream that is not easily explained, but you know with all your heart that it's true. This dream first came to me my freshman year of college. As part of the freshman World Changers class there was an assignment where I had to complete a “wedge” diagram. I don’t remember all of the details, but the premise was I had to identify what I wanted to be known for when I grew up (i.e. legacy) and what things in my life would be a wedge and keep me from accomplishing those goals. I said that I wanted to be like my dad. I wanted to be a man of God. I wanted to be viewed as a leader in the church. I wanted to be a Godly husband. I wanted to be a father. That being said, I was in no shape or form ready to be a father. I was just a young 17 year old kid who hadn’t even really discovered who he was as an individual yet. The dream I had for myself was just that, a dream. It was something that I hoped would be true someday when I was old.

Fast forward to graduation, I was leaving IWU with a great job, an apartment in Indy, a beautiful fiance, and not a care in the world. Even though I officially had some real responsibility for the first time (i.e. job, rent, bills, etc.) in my life, I was still just a big kid. Hannah and I got married shortly after and everything was perfect. As I’m sure is the case with most couples, Hannah (the wife) was the first to get excited about the possibilities of starting our family. I on the other hand was still enjoying the honeymoon lifestyle and had minimal desire to change that anytime soon. I still viewed myself as a college kid and convinced myself that I was way too young to be a parent. It wasn’t until some of our friends and family started having kids and I interacted with their children did I begin to realize how excited I was to be a dad.

Now I’m going to play the cliche Bible verse card. Not that any Bible verse should ever truly be a cliche, because all scripture has a purpose and is inspired by God (Isaiah 55:9-11). But we all know the verses I’m talking about.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11

A beautiful verse. Full of promise and hope. Yet we always seem to forget that this verse is plucked from a series of verses filled with turmoil, pain, and despair. The start of Chapter 29 opens with a statement that Jeremiah’s letter was sent to the “surviving” exiles in Babylon (v1). It continues by stating that everyone there should settle down, because they’re going to be there a long time (v4-7). It’s not until v11 that Jeremiah offers any real sense of hope to the people. And even then it’s just a glimpse of what is ahead. There is still more work to be done.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” 

- Jeremiah 29:12-14

It truly is a beautiful process if you think about it. He’s telling them to find contentment in their heartache. He’s telling them they’re exactly where He wants them to be. Stop kicking and screaming for just one second and listen to what I have for you! It can be hard for us to come to terms with the fact that v11 is true 100% of the time. That’s 100% percent of the time! Meaning the good and the bad. That means He has a plan for us in our time of exile just as much. That doesn’t make exile any easier though. What it can do though is provide much needed perspective to a situation.

As it relates to our adoption, Hannah and I have finally started coming around to this notion. We both know that God has a plan for our family and through a lot of prayer and tears have come to recognize His desire for us to enjoy our time in “exile”. Not just to be content with not being parents, but to truly thrive as “non-parents”. This new thought process has laid the groundwork for both of us to change jobs, more involvement in high-school life groups (small groups), and seeking more community involvement as a whole. We are confident that as we continue to seek Him, we will always be exactly where He intends us to be and the dream of parenthood will always be around the next curve in the road.

Kids In The Way - ‘This Could Be The Song That Will Change Your Heart’

There's a burning in my heart everyday

I come to you, I look to you and say

When will I become everything

That you've intended me to be

I'm beating at my chest everyday

I run to you, I come to you and say

When will I become everything

That you've intended me to be

And I am so tired, I am so beaten

From walking down this road of shattered dreams

But I am so lonely, but I am so broken

And won't you come, won't you rescue me?

Won't you rescue me?

I am so tired, I am so tired

I am so tired, I am so tired

I am so tired, I am so beaten

From walking down this road of shattered dreams

I am so lonely, I am so broken

And won't you come to rescue me?

I'll be the light inside of you

And won't let go of you

(Come rescue me?)

I'll be the light inside of you

And won't let go of you

(Won't you come? Won't you come?)

I'm calling out your name

I'm calling out your name

I'm calling out your name

I'm calling out your name

I am so tired, I am so broken

And won't you come? Won't you come?

I am so lonely, I am so broken

Won't you come? Won't you come?

Won't you come?

Won't you come and rescue me?

I come to you, I look to you and smile

I'll be the light inside of you

And won't let go of you

I'll be the light inside of you

And won't let go of you

Life to the Fullest- An Update

You paid careful attention to the way we lived among you, and determined to live that way yourselves. In imitating us, you imitated the Master. Although great trouble accompanied the Word, you were able to take great joy from the Holy Spirit!—taking the trouble with the joy, the joy with the trouble.

>>1 Thessalonians Chapter 1: 5-6//Message Version- Read full chapter here (ch. 2 is pretty sweet too!) 

Travis & I read this passage together a few weeks ago. I love what Paul writes to the Thessalonians about taking the trouble with the joy, the joy with the trouble. A to the Men Paul! It made me think about how there is always, always, always joy to be found in life when you are living life to the fullest. Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of your marital status, or how much money you have. Regardless of your job or lack there of. Regardless of your pain or suffering- there is joy to be found in Jesus. And the road to that joy is pretty simple.

When people ask me How are things going with your adoption? or Any progress with your adoption? I can't help but smile. I don't always say the same thing. Sometimes I focus on one project or another, sometimes I just answer the questions they ask. Other moments I change the subject. But always, I smile. 

Here's Why:

I feel like a new woman. This is because of Jesus and the work He's been doing in my heart over the last year. I feel something so wonderful, something I can't always think of how to describe, something I always want to hold tight to......I feel contentment. 

I feel free. 

I feel a sense of life and purpose and love and energy that I have never experienced before. At least not like this. 

Please don't interpret that to mean I "have it together" or that I am free of bitterness. I just have to tell you about this because it is so cool and amazing and above all because God is so wonderfully good. I would be doing a great injustice if I didn't share. 

So, here it is: 

It is not about me. 

That's it. 

It being- my life, being a mother or a wife or friend or employee. 

It's not about what I have to contribute or offer the world. My life is not about what I can do for people. It doesn't matter what roles I have in this world. Other than my role as a servant to Jesus Christ. 

I realize this is an obvious statement and nothing you haven't heard about before. But how often does your life reflect it? How often do you meditate on this truth? I tell you what, it's changing me, and I never want to go back. 

This journey to parenthood has exposed how focused I am on myself, more than anything in my entire life ever has. Excruciatingly so. Over the last 8 or 9 months God has been stretching me and challenging my heart so much I thought I might break. Forcing me to answer Him on questions like, "Am I really not enough for you?" or "When are you going to just stop, and live?" or "Did you really just take credit for My work?" ...the list goes on and on and on. 

I've been pondering these questions, and praying a lot, and reading and listening. I've felt tired and emotional. It's taken me a while to really "slow down" like I felt He was telling me to. To really just stop and relax and listen to him. When I did, the most beautiful thing happened. 

I didn't just proclaim, It is not about me. I followed it with- Everything is about God. 

Everything. 

Every single thing. 

Every good & beautiful thing. 

I realized it was time to stop worshiping His creation, and start worshiping Him. The Creator of ALL things. I realized that because it is not about me- I am free! I am free to let Him handle things, and worship Him along the way. Because the things He's put in my life are so rich and pure and wonderful. I am free to live for Him and embrace what He's given me. I am free to enjoy the moment. I am free to love the long dinners with my husband. Free to laugh with high school girls on Thursday nights, and speak God's truth into their lives. Free to laugh and get stinking excited for summer. I am free to love my life, the life HE has given me. Why would I ever want to miss these joy-filled moments because I am wishing for future ones? And even more, how much sweeter and wonderful are these moments, when I acknowledge that they happen because of God, and not because of me? The pressure is off!  

The fact is, when you embrace that your life is NOT about you- it gets a lot better. 

If you declare yourself a follow of Christ, as I do, I have to ask you the same question I've been asking myself: Why do you worry so much?

He's got it covered. 

My life, is not about becoming a mother. Just like it wasn't about becoming a wife. Or about getting that one promotion. 

It's about letting God handle things. It's about deferring to Him always. Releasing control. Being His servant. When you truly do this you find yourself overflowing with joy and contentment. Fact. 

God doesn't withhold things from us because He's angry. He's not a control-freak that demands us to submit. He asks us to let go of things, because He wants us to experience joy, and joy to the fullest amount. 

Perhaps this is not the adoption update you were looking for. I hope you still found something here, not because of my words, but because of the work God is doing. 

I can tell you things with our adoption are going swimmingly. Life is good and we are blessed beyond measure. 

• Travis' job is such a good fit and it has been incredible to have him completely home. I get to cook more! I love it. We have had such fun evenings. No more living in a hotel for him, or in a big, empty house for me! Hallelujah!
• Money is slowly coming in for our adoption in different ways, but we don't feel stressed about this. We trust & believe in God's promise of children- why should we worry? In May, we will officially be debt free! We made the decision to pull a bit ($2k) from our savings and pay off the rest of our debt. I cannot even tell you how EXCITED I am to do our debt-free scream!! (for all the Dave Ramsey fans out there) 
• We are currently saving for our pool cover, and a few other house items we need prior to our home study. 
• I am finishing up designs for a little postcard-number that I'm pretty excited about. These will go out to those of you who have so generously gave toward our adoption. There's a little preview pic for you below. Thank-you everyone for your prayers! 
• We've shared dinner with all but a couple of our adoption references. SO AMAZING to be surrounded by a great community of prayer warriors and friends. It is no coincidence that God has placed such great, Godly people in our lives & we praise Him for this! 
• I have started organizing photos and thoughts for our profile book. This is super hard for me and I would appreciate prayers. Just to find the right words to express to our birth mom. Words that reflect Christ and the life her child would be brought into. 
• Coming in May will be a blog post from Travis! I asked him about this last month and gave him the May deadline (I know he hasn't started yet, but hey, he's a thinker!). I hope you are looking forward to that as much as I am! Excited and thankful he will share about his journey in this process with you all. This process has been a lot different for him, and I am so proud of him for being willing to step outside his comfort zone and share with you all! 

To those of you who ask about our adoption, keep asking. My prayer is that this will lead to more opportunities to share God's love. My heart is so full of love and anticipation. God's plans for our family are so much bigger than I could ever dream up. 

Thank-you for reading- know that you are prayed for & loved. My hope for you is the same as for myself- that you release control, and allow God to truly reign in your heart. 

The effect is life-changing. 

Love, Hannah

P.S. Travis & I are big Matt Chandler (of Village Church) fans. We like listening to podcasts every now and again. Click here to listen to a sermon from Easter that we found hugely impactful. His words really resonated with what God has been teaching us. Worth a listen! 

Our family :-) Photo Credits to SJ Photography- they are fabulous! 

What's Under the Snow...

Welcome to Life in the Trees and thank-you for stopping by. If you’re new here, check out the About Hannah page to learn more about me & the blog!

The last couple weeks I have had a lot of floating thoughts in my head for my next post. I’ve had about 37 different ideas and topics I want to write about, but not sure what I should post. I have a few adoption updates I’d like to share. I have some cool stories from living life with high school girls. And there’s always the dear old past to reflect on. But here’s something you can always count on at Life in the Trees: If I’m not sure, I won’t post it.

This past week I kept feeling nudged back to a topic I really didn’t feel like writing about, but here I am. I love that God always has a way of directing me back where He wants me to be...I confess that sometimes I do walk slowly.

Comparenvy: to compare your circumstances to others and envy them as a result.

She has the greatest hair. I wish I had a car like his. How does she stay so skinny? Why does everything seem to fall in place for them? If I had that much money, I’d do more with it. They got pregnant on accident? If only the boys liked me as much as they did her.

You get the idea.

I have been operating under the illusion that If I simply focused on God’s blessings in my life (because seriously, there are tons) I would ward off the ugliness of envy in my heart.

I am here today to say- THIS DOES NOT WORK.

Last week, there was loads of beautiful, white snow on the ground. I enjoyed stomping around the snow with Kappie- it was cold, but it was beautiful and it was fun. 

Today, a week later most of the snow is melted. The sun is gorgeous and it’s a bit warmer, but you know what- the ground underneath all that beautiful snow is hard, cold & ugly. Spring hasn't really come yet.

Because only God can bring the spring. Only God can make that ground warm and beautiful again. The snow was covering the cold earth, but melt that away and what do you have still? Cold earth. It takes time to warm the ground. It takes God’s touch to make it alive and green and healthy again.

I think focusing on my blessings is the same as that beautiful, white snow. There’s nothing wrong with it. Travis’ new job, adoption progress, our awesome home, incredible friendships- those are all beautiful, white-snow things. Focusing on them is good. But (you knew it was coming)- focusing on good things from God should not replace focusing on God.

One more time.

Focusing on good things from God should not replace focusing on God.

Yes, praise God for the amazing things He is doing in my life. Yes, I will worship Him and praise Him for these blessings.

Does that mean I wouldn't worship Him otherwise?

Is He not GOD- Infinitely great, Creator of the universe, Author of my soul?

If you've never read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, or seen his video called the “The Awe Factor of God” Click Here to check it out. It’s worth the three minutes for a quick reminder on how HUGELY amazing our God is.

This past week God has been nudging me to remember this. He has beckoned me to come and worship Him, just because. No other reason other than He is God. Worthy of awe. Worthy of Worship.

About a week and a half ago-ish some old friends of ours announced their pregnancy. These aren’t people that live around us or that we really keep in touch with. Travis and I were sitting in the living room fiddling on social media (of course) and I said, oh look, they’re pregnant. Travis was like, cool, that’s awesome. And then I said it.

I comparenvied.

It must be so nice to just have everything work out perfectly just the way you hoped it always would.

Comparenvy.

Ugly.

Ouch.

Yuck.

Bitter.

Travis’ response was perfect. He Called. Me. Out. Lovingly, of course. But I am so thankful now for this moment because it’s the first time in a realllllly long time that I acknowledged some of the bitterness in my heart. I have spent the last couple weeks processing this and it led me to this blog post. It made me realize I was piling up white, pretty snow in my heart and on the outside. I was focusing on the blessings. I was praising God for the work He’s doing. I was focusing on the joy and happy things. This is all good. Except...

I wasn't telling Him my hurts.

I wasn't worshiping Him just for being Him.

I wasn't surrendering my bitterness.

I was burying it under snow.

But the sun came early in my heart. The snow melted and underneath I discovered cold, hard earth that needed God’s touch.

Blessings are wonderful. They come from God.  But only God can create sustaining joy in our hearts.  

Truth.

Here is a prayer I deeply admire from 1 Samuel 2. I am sure many of you are familiar with the story of Hannah, coincidentally my namesake. Here’s what I love about her life and her prayer: 

1. She was having a super hard time. The Bible says she was bitter. She probably had the worst case of “comparenvy” ever since one of her husband’s wives was constantly taunting her for being barren whilst having lots of sons herself. But she poured out her heart to God. She let Him see her bitterness. She kept praying.

2. She got what she wanted! What’s her response? This prayer below. Note that it’s mostly all about God. She worships who He is. 

3. She gave up her blessing. This still amazes me. I cannot even imagine trying to get pregnant for so long, and then to faithfully give that child back to God.

Then Hannah prayed and said:

“My heart rejoices in the Lord;

   in the Lord my horn is lifted high.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

   for I delight in your deliverance.

2 “There is no one holy like the Lord;

   there is no one besides you;

   there is no Rock like our God.

3 “Do not keep talking so proudly

   or let your mouth speak such arrogance,

for the Lord is a God who knows,

   and by him deeds are weighed.

4 “The bows of the warriors are broken,

   but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,

   but those who were hungry are hungry no more.

She who was barren has borne seven children,

   but she who has had many sons pines away.

6 “The Lord brings death and makes alive;

   he brings down to the grave and raises up.

7 The Lord sends poverty and wealth;

   he humbles and he exalts.

8 He raises the poor from the dust

   and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes

   and has them inherit a throne of honor.

“For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;

   on them he has set the world.

9 He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,

   but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.

“It is not by strength that one prevails;

10     those who oppose the Lord will be broken.

The Most High will thunder from heaven;

   the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.

“He will give strength to his king

   and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

It is so hard not to fall into the trap of Comparenvy, but ultimately, that path just steals our joy. We lose sight of the blessings in our own lives when we focus on the blessings of others. Most importantly, we forget that we always, always, always, always have a reason to worship.

It is what we were made to do!

Thanks for reading,

Hannah

P.S. THANK-YOU to those who have selflessly gave toward our adoption and to those who have been praying so fiercely! FUN updates ahead on the blog including a series on creating a profile book, thoughts on the adoption reference process & money updates! Until then, here's something adorable for your viewing pleasure. (hint: Uncle VaVa= Travis)